| anxiety means... |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Anxiety makes you a coward. It makes you constantly afraid. It makes you constantly worry and wonder. It leaves you stupid and paralyzed in place. It keeps you from living. It keeps you from doing things that normal people do, it keeps you from having experiences that regular people have. It reduces you to nothing. It makes you doubt everything and everyone. It kills you slowly, little by little each and every single day. |
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| .... |
[Sep. 23rd, 2008|02:28 am] |
Starting to feel crazy again. I can't stand coming home because it's just more hounding about paying bills I can't afford. I'm so sick of all the crap that I have to eat outside. I feel like getting into that class was just some mistake that they made grading my test, or maybe I'm just good at passing tests but not in real life. So many words that I don't know or I couldn't even try to translate. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know if he's alive or dead. I don't know if I should try to call to find out what happened. I'm just lost again and I can't figure out what the hell to do. I'm so tired....once in a while i can find something i really relate to. A few years ago when I couldn't even distinguish between things I'd dreamt and things that had actually happened in reality, it was the beginning of Kingdom Hearts II since the same things were happening in the game. Or it's something I attatch myself to, like Perry Mason. Or it's something I use to escape, like Phoenix Wright. My ds is broken and I can't afford a new one. I can't remember my dreams. Sometimes I look at him and wonder if he's really what I want or if I'm just biding my time again. I don't want to anymore. I can't stand coming home. I want to escape to some new place. I remember wanting to be able to go on some kind of meaningful quest like in my games. I wish it could happen. I was thinking about pokemon the other day and I realized that it was really my first escapist outlet. That horrible year where i just wanted to die, and then it came along. I loved it and I craved it and I wanted more, I played the games but it was the show that I loved above all else because it was a whole new world free from anything here. I've seen newer episodes, they've changed the voices and have pokemon I can't recognize. But the first episodes, that first season and even the second were everything.
I need to get real and make a resume so I can get a job with benefits and get my fucking parents off my back about the fucking health insurance. |
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| Man up, Manuel. |
[Feb. 27th, 2008|08:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
My phone has been cut off since about...Sunday. So I haven't been able to talk to Manuel since we "made up" or whatever. I don't know if he's going to be pissed that he couldn't talk to me, or if he'll be understanding and just say that he missed me. I don't know if he's going to use this as an excuse to say that we shouldn't see each other any more. If he did, that would be incredibly immature and probably show me that he wasn't worth being with in the first place. I had a dream last night that I saw him in the carwash, and he was completely understanding and just said, "These things happen." But my dreams are rarely prophetic. In fact, they usually end up showing the opposite of what really happens. I kind of expect him to lose it. Or decide that we are officially broken up or some other kind of bullshit. My plan is not to get upset. To laugh. To laugh at what an immature little boy he is and wonder aloud why I bothered wasting my time. To say there's nothing I hate more than a man-child who throws a tantrum when he can't get his way. I won't give him any satisfaction of seeing me upset or sad or anything. I've been perfectly fine these three days that we haven't spoken. I won't be broken up if he decides that we should stay that way.
But I think I'm going to try to do a tarot reading. To get an idea. But my reaction won't change. |
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| To our love, a valentine in blood. |
[Feb. 25th, 2008|04:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | People Aint No Good -Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds | ] |
This one goes out to you, Manuel.
I'm in disbelief. I can't believe that you would hold that against me. Yes, I shouldn't have tried to hide that from you. I was wrong to lie to you. But I didn't do it as a way to deceive you or hurt you. In reality, I think it all had very little bearing on what you and I were building together. I'm not open with anybody. I only really have one person in my life with whom I can be real and talk freely. I thought that I might be able to create that kind of relationship with you. Maybe that's why this is hurting me so badly right now. Because I really did try to invest myself in you, to give you a true and sincere version of who I really am, and you've just been using me the entire time. I know you claim you haven't, but the fact that you've just been feeding me different lines trying to see how long it would take for me to finally say that I had been living with Juan...I don't know. I feel like I don't know you at all. I really believed that we were being honest with each other. I was honest with you about who I really am as a person, which is a lot more than you'll get by judging my past. I don't know if the things you told me were real, or if they were just things you said to try to provoke a certain response. You shoved your finger in my face and called me a liar. You said that I was incapable of loving you because I didn't even love myself. You said that you walked away from that one girl after six years with no hesitation, and that you wouldn't blink over walking away from me after only a month. You mocked my emotions. You said you hated women like me, that I was just a crybaby. You smacked my face. You twisted my words. You tried to get me to throw you out. You took words that you'd once used lovingly with me, and used them to injure me. It was like the devil himself occupied your body. You made me kiss you even though you were forcing me through so much pain. You turned around and said to forget about everything you'd said, that you wanted to stay together even though you'd just finished giving me a huge list of reasons why it would never be the same. I don't know why you changed your mind. I don't know what kind of logic you're using. But I can't forget the things you said, the way you acted. Your words echoed all the things I had fought to escape. I've come to realize that I don't know you at all. You're a stranger to me...how do I know that anything you said or claimed to have felt was real? If you were willing to throw it all away over this one thing, I kind of doubt you felt anything for me at all. Because I couldn't do that to you. But that's always how it is with me...I always feel deeper than the other person does. I always get scared to lose them, even if they're harmful or abusive. They're able to take my feelings and manipulate me with them, because they know that they can. And I'm always powerless...I'm so afraid of being alone and abandoned that I take what I can get. I was trying so hard to win you over. Maybe one could argue that I succeeded, since you decided to stay with me in light of all the reasons you had for us to call it quits. I think I lost myself. I don't trust you anymore...you'd probably laugh if you heard that. You'd probably say that you're the one who shouldn't trust me, since I didn't tell you that I was living with Juan. But at least I can say that I've always been truthful with you about my real character, my real personality. I never put up any fronts with you because I honestly thought that I could build a connection with you, a real connection that would always allow us to be safe and real together. I've always been upfront and honest with my behavior and motives. But you've been manipulating what you've been telling me, trying to get certain information, trying to make me confess to something that I didn't even really need to hide, since you already knew. You had an ulterior motive the entire time. I don't know what was real and what was fake. And now you want to pretend like nothing's happened. I don't know if I can do that. You say that it's all my fault that this happened, that I brought it upon myself....I don't really think that's true. Maybe I should have been more honest with you about my past. But if you had brought it up to me at any time, I would have admitted it was true. Yet you kept it inside, a secret weapon waiting for the right moment to destroy. You told me you were different from the others. But I think you're a lot more like Juan than you think. I feel myself floating a million miles away now. I'm disconnected...my body's still here, but my mind's reeling over everything you said and how you treated me. You want me to forget about what you said and did and not bring it up, but at the same time you want me to tell you what's on my mind. I tried opening up that constant barrier I have around myself for you. It's slammed shut and there are a hundred walls between us now. You accuse me of being the liar, but I think you take a long look at yourself. Who was really deceiving who? I don't know why you decided to change. I don't know what it was that made you change your mind so suddenly. Maybe you want to use me a while longer. That disconnect....I don't feel real anymore. I feel like my body's just a shell for you to use and throw away. I wish I didn't have to feel sometimes. I wish that I could be macho. I know you say you're not, but I think you are. I wish I could be the same way. Heartless and unfeeling, putting myself first because there doesn't exist anything else. I wish I could be robotic. I wish I could cut out my heart and somehow continue on without it. I wish I had money to refill my valium prescription. I think I'll go back on the prozac. Being empty all the time was still horrible, but it was a constant thing. This comes in waves....I go from feeling like I'm going to be alright to feeling like a million knives have been shoved into my chest. I don't want to feel anything anymore.
I'm going to have to ask my mom for money. I'll just tell her not to get me any birthday gifts, and that I'll pay her back eventually.
It's funny...I want the money to restore my phone service, because I know that if you can't reach me, you'll get frustrated and just stop trying. But why would I want to be with someone who would give up after just one day of being unable to reach me? I don't know what to do, Manuel. I really like you. I really like the person I thought you were. Then again, I really loved the person that I thought Juan was. I still do. But he's gone forever, maybe he never really existed. I'm beginning to wonder if it's the same with you.
I can't sleep. Maybe that's a good sign. Robots don't need to sleep. |
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| Fue tu mejor actuacción destrozar mi corazón.... |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Puro teatro -La Lupe | ] |
I've read a lot of posts about how it's just easier to not have any friends at all rather than deal with the pain that comes from certain friendships. I never really bought into it, but now I don't know. I'm so tired of feeling rejected and left out time and time again...maybe they have a point. I thought we'd always be close, but I guess I was kidding myself. We can't go on forever, I suppose. Juan always tells me, "Mándales a chingar su madre, no mereces eso." It´s almost part of the reason why I want to study abroad, in a way. I´ll probably be just as alone over there, but at least then it´ll be because I´m in a different country, and not because nobody bothered to call me... |
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| I can't move. |
[Dec. 14th, 2007|03:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
I can't fucking concentrate on anything. I have this stupid essay to finish by 6:45 to turn in right before taking my spanish final, then I have my japanese final that I'm absolutely not prepared for in the least. I don't know what's happening with me, I'm just apathetic 100% of the time. I'm sleeping all day long since I didn't have to be in school this week, and I don't even leave the house at all. It's not like there's really a lot I could do, since my bank account is still currently in the negative dollars. I wish I could focus and just do my work the way I used to be able to, but now instead of hammering it out like I would before, I just give up. I don't know. I'm still not happy. The pills I've been taking help me out in some respects, but then they completely mess me up in other ways. I'm just sleeping all the time again, not even doing things I normally enjoy like crocheting or playing my ds. Oh well...I think after my tests and work tomorrow I'm going to go over to Katie's, so that'll be nice. Juan's worried that I'm not getting out enough, which is a bad sign, since he's the one usually complaining that we don't spend enough time together. I think he realized that when I spend more time outside, I usually am more constructive with my time at home. I'll clean up more or cook dinner or anything other than sleep in until 4 in the afternoon and feel like crap all day long. Anyway...I have three hours to finish my essay. It's not even an essay, it's a creative story, which should be so easy but it's actually costing me more work since these pills have replaced my escapist fantasies with sleep. I'm just thinking that I need to get through the next 24 hours, and it'll be over, which isn't entirely true, since I still have extra stuff that I need to deliver to my teacher on Monday. In that case, I just need to make it though this weekend...ugh. |
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| Once more.... |
[Dec. 5th, 2007|02:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
I did this survey on my deadjournal when I was in high school. I think I'll give it another go.
[ .001. ] first name: Marisa
[ .002. ] middle name: Monique
[ .003. ] last name: Niles
[ .004. ] nickname(s): Mamidinga/Bebita
[ .005. ] gender: female
[ .006. ] age: 22
[ .007. ] birthday: march 15
[ .008. ] height:5'2"
[ .009. ] hair color: dark brown
[ .010. ] eye color: kinda light brown actually
[ .011. ] race: mexican/italian
[ .012. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: nope
[ .013. ] do you have braces: never
[ .014. ] is your hair long or short: long
[ .015. ] where were you born: san jose
[ .016. ] current location: Bed
[ .017. ] zodiac sign: pisces
[ .018. ] how many languages do you know: Two. English and Spanish.
[ .019. ] nationality: Californian. Hahaha, join my separatist movement!
[ .020. ] bad habits: Nailbiting.
[ .021. ] piercings you have: 4
[ .022. ] piercings you want: when I get depressed I think about getting my tongue pierced. Weirdo.
[ .023. ] tattoos you have: 0
[ .024. ] tattoos you want: I'm thinking of something fish-related.
[ .025. ] today's date: 12/5/07
[ .026. ] the time: 3:02 AM
[ .027. ] ready for a bunch more questions: Let's have it.
. : family : .
[ .028. ] mother's name: lisa
[ .029. ] father's name: mike
[ .030. ] step-parent's names, if any: none.
[ .031. ] brother(s)'s name(s): never happened.
[ .032. ] sister(s)'s name(s): valerie
[ .033. ] favorite aunt: um I only have two...angie and michele
[ .034. ] favorite uncle: so many....
[ .035. ] favorite grandparent: can't pick one, geez these are bad questions
[.036. ] worst relative: People in my family give my Uncle Len a hard time because he always arrives late, but I can relate to him.
[ .037. ] best relative: My mom.
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents: We get along a lot better now that we don't live together.
[ .039. ] does anyone in your family understand you: I haven't been able to open up to anyone in my family.
. : pets : .
[ .040. ] do you have any pets: the fishies
[ .041. ] what are their names: Not all of them have names...except for Torito Gunslinger and Chupitos.
[ .042. ] what kind of animals are they: Platys, a betta, and an Axelrodi Cory Catfish.
. : school : .
[ .043. ] are you still in school: it never ends.
.044. ] did you drop out: haven't yet.
[ .045. ] current gpa, or last gpa you got: I think it's a 3.something.
[ .046. ] favorite grade: 6th.
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: 7TH I hope it burns in hell
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: Mr SOUZA!!!!! And Señora Marsh, she's the nicest teacher ever.
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: Mrs. SINGLETON!!!!!!graarg and mrs clinton too. And my fucking Culture of Spain teacher. DIE!!!!!
[ .050. ] favorite subject: Spanish
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: Anything related to upper-division G.E....why do they make me take this crap?
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: I eat at home.
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: tennis in high school.
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular ativities: Video Games...and crochet.
[ .055. ] are/was you popular: nope
[ .056. ] favorite dance: prom
[ .057. ] favorite memory: This is a weird memory, but I remember sitting on the steps and Ritchie playing with my ponytail...I remember that being a good day.
[ .058. ] least favorite dance: So many of them were mediocre...
[ .059. ] least favorite memory: I can't talk about it.
[ .060. ] I think this one was supposed to be a most embarrassing moment, but that pretty much qualifies at #59.
. : favorites : .
[ .061. ] number: 5
[ .062. ] clothing brand: I don't have one particular brand.
[ .063. ] shoes: I used to love shoes so much, but I can' t afford them like before.
[ .064. ] saying: I remembered you with my soul clenched in that sadness of mine that you know. <-My answer from High School. Still good.
[ .065. ] tv show: Right now it's Death Note
[ .066. ] sport: baseball
[ .067. ] vegetable: tomato
[ .068. ] fruit: grapes
[ .069. ] movie: Lost in Translation.
[ .070. ] magazine: Electronic Gaming lol
[ .071. ] actor: I don't know anymore...
[ .072. ] actress: I guess I like movies better than individual actors.
[ .073. ] candy: Nerds Rope
[ .074. ] gum: blue kind
[ .075. ] scent: Moonlight Path
[ .076. ] candy bar: Snickers
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: Cherry Garcia
[ .078. ] color: blue or yellow
[ .079. ] season: summer
[ .080. ] holiday: thanksgiving or christmas
[ .081. ] band: at the drive-in
[ .082. ] singer: Janis. I want her voice.
[ .083. ] group: uhh...see "band"...ok, the mars volta
[ .084. ] rapper: Sage Francis...but he's more like a hip hop artist. Whatever.
[ .085. ] type of music: whatever really
[ .086. ] thing in your room: Fishtank.
[ .087. ] place to be: Away from school or work.
[ .088. ] radio station: sjsu's college station
[ .089. ] tv channel: hahha ooh it's probably cartoon network...
[ .090. ] junk food: taco bell.
[ .091. ] overall food: lobster yum
[ .092. ] store: I like the Papaya store in the mall.
[ .093. ] shoe brand: I no longer swear by a single brand.
[ .094. ] fast food: I covered this in junk food...but we'll say mcdonald's
[ .095. ] restaurant: TK Noodle...when in doubt, los caldos chinos siempre son a good choice.
[ .096. ] shape: I've always liked the triangle
[ .097. ] time of day: night.
[ .098. ] country: usa
[ .099. ] state: california is best. I know. I live here.
[ .100. ] boys name: I like Antonio as a boy's name.
[ .101. ] girls name: Mercedes.
[ .102. ] mall: Eastridge. Nobody's there.
[ .103. ] video game: Phoenix Wright
[ .104. ] shampoo: I use Suave because it's inexpensive.
[ .105. ] board game: Don't really have one.
[ .106. ] computer game: Myst
[ .107. ] car: Please don't talk to me about cars.
[ .108. ] music video: I like the video for "Everything hits at once" by Spoon
[ .109. ] swear word: fuck. it's so versatile.
[ .110. ] word: lexicon
[ .111. ] month: march or june
[ .112. ] cartoon character: Xavier: Renegade Angel
[ .113. ] scary movie: Silent Hill. Nightmare creator.
[ .114. ] team: giants
[ .115. ] possession: Nintendo DS
. : what's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear : .
[ .116. ] eminem: slim shady
[ .117. ] dog: slobber
[ .118. ] hot: burn
[ .119. ] britney spears: trainwreck.
[ .120. ] nsync: ancient.
[ .121. ] real world: not real.
[ .122. ] orange: citrus.
[ .123. ] choice: abortion
[ .124. ] fuck: anger.
[ .125. ] bisexual: tila tequila show
[ .126. ] black: darkness
[ .127. ] icq: number
[ .128. ] insane clown posse: vomit masks
[ .129. ] linkin park: I have their first CD.
[ .130. ] jack: off
[ .131. ] rainbow: leprechaun
[ .132. ] cherry: yummy
[ .133. ] cucumber: salad
[ .134. ] shark: blood
[ .135. ] lifehouse: something my sister thinks is great
[ .136. ] bat: man
[ .137. ] leather: expensive car
[ .138. ] whip: bondage
[ .139. ] america: flag
[ .140. ] water: ocean
[ .141. ] volcano: lava
. : this or that : .
[ .142. ] rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] rock or pop: rock
[ .144. ] rock or r&b: rock
[ .145. ] rock or metal: rock
[ .146. ] rap or pop: rap
[ .147. ] rap or r&b: tie
[ .148. ] rap or metal: metal
[ .149. ] pop or r&b: r&b
[ .150. ] pop or metal: metal
[ .151. ] r&b or metal: metal
[ .152. ] linkin park or limp bizkit: linkin park
[ .153. ] tool or korn: tool, but if I'm really angry korn
[ .154. ] selena or jennifer lopez: selena
[ .155. ] hot or cold: hot
[ .156. ] winter or summer: summer
[ .157. ] spring or fall: spring
[ .158. ] shakira or britney: SHAKIRA
[ .159. ] icp or eminem: uh..eminem is funny sometimes...
[ .160. ] marilyn manson or rob zombie: manson..maybe
[ .161. ] kittie or garbage: I have a kittie cd, but garbage and I go way back..we're only happy when it rains...I would die for you...yeah ok garbage
[ .162. ] mtv or vh1: vh1
[ .163. ] buffy or angel: oh man this quiz is old.
[ .164. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: my mom always watches gilmore girls. I pick felicity
[ .165. ] football or basketball: football I guess
[ .166. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: summer.
[ .167. ] skiing or snowboarding: I've never snowboarded
[ .168. ] rollerblading or skateboarding: rollerblading
[ .169. ] black or white: black
[ .170. ] orange or red: red
[ .171. ] yellow or green: yellow
[ .172. ] purple or pink: purple
[ .173. ] slipknot or mudvayne: aren't they both kinda gross? like with the masks and the vomiting?
[ .174. ] hot topic or pac sun: neither really.
[ .175. ] inside or outside: inside...
[ .176. ] weed or alcohol: alcohol
[ .177. ] cell phone or pager: cell
[ .178. ] pen or pencil: pencil
[ .179. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: powerpuff girls
[ .180. ] scooby doo or dino: scooby doo, pre-scrappy only
[ .181. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: I never watched dragon ball z, so...Pokemon all the way!
[ .182. ] star wars or star trek: star wars
[ .183. ] tattoos or piercings: tattoos...because a 90 year old lady with a tattoo coudl be ok, but with her face all full of metal shit? come on now.
[ .184. ] prep or punk: Punk I suppose. I'm not really either.
[ .185. ] slut or whore: aren't they the same? A whore is just a slut by trade. But I think she has to put up with more shit. But I wouldn't want to be a slut.
. : private life : .
[ .186. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: yes
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: on my boyfriend.
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: yes
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: all lies.
[ .190. ] how many people of you kissed: hmmm.....5, I think. Haha not that many.
[ .191. ] who was your first kiss: oh please don't...ben tha....gaaaah I won't type it
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: Two I think.
[ .193. ] how many times has your heart been broken: Twice we'll say.
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: Not easy
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: Mexican, funny, one of those people who others want to know and be around.
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: Several on my phone
[ .198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: It's called a myspace...duuurrrrr
[ . 199 . ] Do you go by personality or looks?: Personality is the end all.
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: have I kissed katie or david? no.
[ .202. ] are you still friends: Till forever.
[ .203. ] so moving along...do you smoke: tobacco? no.
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: You should never turn down a free lunch.
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: nope
[ .206. ] how about a little x: nooo
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: no
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: Depends on the beer.
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: hahaha but they're so tasty!
[ .210. ] do you like smirnoff ice: mmm the apple flavor is like candy.
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: liquor anyday.
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: none
[ .213. ] are you a virgin: I was once.
[ .214. ] if no, when was the last time you got some: Errrmmm Two days ago? My sense of time is all messed up these days.
. : would you ever : .
[ .215. ] bungee jump: ooh I kinda did at great america lol it was scary and fun
[ .216. ] sky dive: Maybe...I used to want to do it when I was younger.
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: I hear they hump people a lot. They're kind of close to seals in that "animal that could drown me" category.
[ .218. ] scuba dive: yeah
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: lol uh planet granite?
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: no. Not my bag.
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: I will stay poor forever to keep them.
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: Sloppy seconds? Luckily, Katie and I have very different tastes in men.
[ .223. ] cross-dress: Sure. Not as much stigma for girls dressing as boys.
[ .224. ] lie to the police: It would probably depend on the situation, but I think I would just insist on seeing a lawyer.
[ .225. ] run from the police: Again, would depend on the situation.
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: Happens nearly every time I talk to them.
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: I don't think there's a stranger out there who wants me kissing them.
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: I can't imaging any strip club ever hiring me...maybe like Chunky's Ultra-Thick Lounge.
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: No, that would be stealing.
[ .230. ] streak: Again, it wouldn't be pretty.
. : your friends : .
[ .231. ] best friend: katie
[ .232. ] known longest: megan
[ .233. ] wish you talked to more: katie
[ .234. ] wish you saw more: katie and david...college has separated us.
[ .235. ] how many friends do you think you have: not many
[ .236. ] who drives you insane after a while: my dad
[ .237. ] who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: katie and david
[ .238. ] ever lose a good friend because you took it to the 'next level': not a good friend
[ .243. ] can always make you laugh: Juan
[ .248. ] hot tempered: david. most definetely
[ .249. ] most impatient: Juan
[ .250. ] shortest: me
[ .251. ] tallest: David
[ .254. ] skinniest: katie
[ .255. ] nicest: it's not that we're not nice, we're just cynical
[ .256. ] best personality: david's the optimist
[ .257. ] biggest drug user: yours truly
. : have you ever : .
[ .258. ] flashed someone: no
[ .259. ] told the person you liked how you felt: I'm not an initiator.
[ .260. ] been to michigan: no
[ .261. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: yes
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvie: no
[ .263. ] skateboarded: uh too hard
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: noo
[ .265. ] stolen anything: not really
[ .266. ] wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: no, I wanted to do this.
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: I've wanted it so bad I could taste it...
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: yes
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: on accident
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: nope
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: nope
[ .272. ] flipped someone off: oh yeah
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: tulare
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: I guess you could say that.
[ .275. ] been to a concert: yup
[ .276. ] been to another country: China. Yay!
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: probably my parents
[ .278. ] got pulled over: not yet
[ .279. ] go in a car accident: twice. Ouch.
[ .280. ] broke a law: Yes
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: yes
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: no
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: I cry to diffuse situations...with varying success
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: nope
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: no
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways: 5 second rule lol
. : opinions : .
[ .287. ] what do you think...about pop music: it comes from a machine
[ .288. ] about boy bands: they no longer exist
[ .289. ] about flag burning: burn your own country's flag, but not somebody else's
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: needs to end.
[ .291. ] about suicide: I wish nobody had to feel so alone or hopeless.
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: Stop it already. Reading your pamphlet about how I'm going to Hell doesn't make me want to convert.
[ .293. ] about abortion: Old white men should not get to mandate what a woman does to her own body.
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: Dethklok has revived metal.
[ .295. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: In a good job, let's hope.
[ .296. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Please let me be out of school by then.
. : what did you do : .
[ .297. ] last birthday: I went to dessert with Juan.
[ .298. ] yesterday: I went to school.
[ .299. ] last weekend: I went to the mall with Katie.
[ .300. ] christmas: Grandma's house
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: see above.
[ .302. ] new year's eve: I think Katie had a party.
[ .303. ] halloween: I think it was like a Tuesday, so I just stayed home.
[ .304. ] easter: family's house
[ .305. ] valentine's day: I think it was just like any old day.
. : the last : .
[ .306. ] thing you ate: Frozen Yogurt Cherry Garcia
[ .307. ] thing you drank: coke
[ .308. ] thing you wore: pants
[ .309. ] place you went: Modesto
[ .310. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: belly button, but that's healed over now
[ .311. ] person you saw: juan
[ .312. ] person you kissed: juan
[ .313. ] person you fucked: juan
[ .314. ] person you talked to: david
[ .315. ] song you heard: "Green Hornet Theme" by Al Hirt
. : now : .
[ .316. ] what are you eating: nothing
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: nothing
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: Shirt and a bra...
[ .319. ] any shoes on: no
[ .320. ] hair: a net of split ends
[ .321. ] listening to: the tv
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: no
[ .323. ] are you pissed i made this so long: I don't mind.
. : yes or no : .
[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: no
[ .325. ] do you like cows: yes
[ .326. ] are you a bitch: fuck you
[ .327. ] are you artistic: Not really, but I like to pretend to be.
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: Not anymore.
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: I doubt it.
[ .330. ] can you ski: uh I did when I was 8..
[ .331. ] are you british: I am the anti-brit: I am an American.
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: I think she'll spear herself soon enough.
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you: You sound like my doctor. No.
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: yes
[ .335. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: Sounds interesting.
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'alice in wonderland': You can butcher a book without being on acid, it turns out.
[ .337. ] are you straight: straight.
[ .338. ] are you ?stupid, ?insane, and another ?physically handicapped: Something's wrong with me.
[ .339. ] are you fat: Are you down with the thickness?
[ .340. ] are you skinny: No.
[ .341. ] are you short: yes
[ .342. ] are you tall: no
[ .343. ] do you own a hot pink shirt: no
[ .344. ] how about orange pants: no
[ .345. ] can you see the flying monkeys: No. Can you?
[ .346. ] are you evil: I'm lost.
[ .347. ] did you ever know someone who had a mullet: Alfredo.
[ .348. ] is britney a whore: She'll be dead soon.
[ .349. ] are you a teenage zombie: No, I'm a twenty-something zombie.
[ .350. ] am i annoying you: you could stand to be a bit more original, yes.
[ .351. ] do you like marilyn manson: Has he done anything recently?
[ .352. ] are you secretly from another planet: I wish I were. So I could go back.
[ .354. ] do you shop at hot topic: No, I don't.
. : random questions : .
[ .355. ] if you could be any animal, what would you be: Something amphibious, so I could choose between two worlds.
[ .356. ] if you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be: lobster
[ .357. ] do you remember any of your dreams: some
[ .358. ] do you dream in color or black and white: color
[ .359. ] do you admit when you need help with a problem?: nope
[ .360. ] can people read you like a book: I don't like to talk about my problems.
[ .361. ] what's your biggest fear: seals.
[ .362. ] do you talk a lot: only with my friends
[ .363. ] are you afraid of clowns: no
[ .364. ] do you like spiders: no, but I dont like to see them killed
[ .365. ] how about grape kool-aid: I don't like kool aid much
[ .366. ] can you drive: sure
[ .367. ] are you spoiled: I don't think so.
[ .368. ] are you anti-social: uh, social anxiety....yeah.
[ .369. ] do you see dumb people: at work.
[ .370. ] do you see dead people: no
[ .371. ] any last words: Not this time.
[ .372. ] now that this is over, what are you going to do: go to bed.
[ .373. ] wait!: what?
[ .374. ] what time is it?!: 4:39am |
|
|
| Survey says... |
[Dec. 5th, 2007|01:53 am] |
I felt like taking surveys....for no reason.
 | Boyfriend/Girlfriend Survey
| |
| | | | What is their name? | Juan | | What pet name do you like to call them? | Papidingo | | How long have you been together? | 2 years | | How did you meet? | Work | | What do you like the most about them? | His smile | | What do you like the least about them? | His lack of patience | | What is the best thing they have ever done for you? | He didn't pay his rent so he could buy me a christmas present. | | Have they met your parents yet? | Uhm....I'd rather not talk about that. | | What would you kids look like if you had kids? | They would either have straight hair with large eyes or birdnest hair and small eyes. | | What is the worst argument you have had? | Probably when he was drunk and wanting to break up. | | Do you still kiss a lot? | Yes. | | Who asked who out? | He asked me. | | Do you think you will get married? | Possibly. | | Can you see yourself growing old with them? | Yes. | | What is the one thing you would like to change about them? | I would want to make him less judgemental. | | What do you think they would like to change about you? | He would like for me to be less lazy, I'm sure. | | What is the first gift they ever bought you? | He bought me a flower. | | Do you have a favorite song together? | "Divina" | | Which famous person do you think they look like the most? | He looks like the guy who played Little Joker in "Next Friday" | | Would you say the two of you are a good match? | I think so. | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
 |
|
 | Have You Ever Survey
| |
| | | | Given a Hickey? | Yes | | Had a one night stand? | No | | Made someone cry? | Yes | | Opened your Christmas presents early? | No | | Been online for more than 10 hours in a row? | Yes | | Pretended to be someone you weren't online? | Yes | | Eaten food that fell on the floor? | Anyone who has eaten fast food has done this. | | Been caught cheating? | No | | Been caught naked? | No | | Flashed someone? | No | | Gone out without underwear on? | Yes | | Got into a fist fight? | No | | Swallowed bath water? | Ew. | | Peed in the pool? | No | | Thrown up in public? | Yes......tequila bad. | | Been so drunk you can't walk? | Yes. | | Peed in public? | No...wait....if it's a public place but nobody saw you? | | Broken wind and blamed someone else? | Hahahahahahahah | | Done something mean you regretted? | Who hasn't? | | Ever played pull my finger? | I usually do the pulling. | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
|
| <
<table width="320" bgcolor="#000000" cellpadding="1" border="0" cellspacing="0">  | Random Survey For the Bored
| |
| | | What is on your desktop wallpaper? | Shin Chan. | | What is your favorite zoo animal? | Capybara | | What was your favorite toy as a child? | Baby Squirmy...a yellow My Little Pony | | What food do you eat too much of? | Taco Bell | | What kind of hairstyle do you have? | Split End Fever | | What was your favorite activity in gym class? | Sitting on the bench | | What is on the shirt you're wearing right now? | A bow | | What is the picture nearest to you of? | Juan's parents | | What kind of salad dressing do you like? | Ranch | | Whats your least favorite food? | Papaya....Smells like vomit. | | What do you do on a Sunday night? | Watch Adult Swim | | If you could only use one condiment on your food for the rest of your life, what would it be? | Sour Cream...it goes with everything. | | What color are your sheets? | My blankets have a peacock with some roses on them. | | How big is your computer display? | 1024x768 | | What pair of shoes do you wear most often? | Black Jordan things | | What is your favorite game? | Phoenix Wright | | What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? | Yams | | What is your favorite pizza topping? | Cheese | | What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow? | 8:30 | | What is your favorite day of the year? | I don't exactly have one. | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
|
|
 | Finish The Sentence Survey
| |
| | | | My ex... | is a retard. | | Maybe I should... | go to bed. | | I love... | Detective Gumshoe. | | People would say that i'm... | quiet. | | I don't understand... | Portuguese. | | When i wake up in the morning... | I wish I hadn't. | | I lost... | my way a while back. | | Life is full of... | asshole customers who treat you like crap. | | My past is... | not particularly interesting. | | I get annoyed when... | people are rude. | | Parties are... | teh suck. | | I wish... | I could be brave. | | Dogs... | are nice. | | Cats... | represent a promise 13 years overdue. | | Tomorrow... | I have to go to school. | | I have low tolerance... | of intolerant people. | | If I had a million dollars... | I would quit school. | | I'm totally terrified... | of seals biting my leg and drowning me when I'm swimming in the ocean. | | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com |
|
 | Shower Survey
| |
| | | | Do you shower in the morning or evening? | Evening. | | Do you use liquid or bar soap? | Liquid...actually I've been using shampoo as soap because I'm poor. | | Do you use shampoo and conditioner or just shampoo? | I actually have been using conditioner because I got it as a present. | | Do you brush your teeth in the shower? | Uh no...that's what sinks are for. Psh. | | Do you shave in the shower? | Yeah...I can't shave my legs in the sink, sadly. That's where I brush my teeth. | | Do you sing in the shower? | No. People would hear. | | Do you use a washcloth? | I have a loofah thing...it's on it's last legs. | | Do you have a door or a curtain on your shower? | A door. | | Have you every taken a call in the shower? | No, what if I dropped my cell phone and electrocuted myself? I'd get one of those Darwin Awards. | | Have you ever showered in your swimsuit? | Yes...swimming unit in PE. Horrible stuff. | | Have you ever showered with a member of the same sex? | Yes....I think I just described said swimming unit. | | Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex? | Yes. | | Do you share a bathroom with someone? | I share it with like ten people. No joke. | | Do you listen to the radio in the shower? | No....it's not my radio. | | Do you wear a shower cap? | How could I wash my splitends if I did that? | | Do you wash behind your ears? | I think the shampoo takes care of it...I hope. | | Describe your shower in three words | Small. Tiled. Humid. | | What one thing would you change about your shower? | I would make the hot water last longer. | | What would make your shower time better for you? | If I never cut myself shaving again. | | What celebrity would you like to shower with? | Kuno Becker. Telenovela star. | | What celebrity would you NOT like to shower with? | Britney. Skank! | | What is the one thing you can't do without in your shower? | Water. Hah! | | What is the oddest thing that has happened to you in the shower? | I don't know....just me getting freaked out by spiders in there. | | What is the best thing that has happened to you in the shower? | Hahaha....getting x-rated, are we? | | When was the last time you showered? | This morning. I realize this contradicts my first answer. | | When are you going to take a shower next? | Tomorrow. | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
|
|
 | The Last Survey
| |
| | | | Last person you hugged | Juan | | Last car ride | Coming back from Modesto today. | | Last time you cried | Probably...a few days ago. | | Last movie you watched | In the theater? Hmm....I haven't gone in a loooong time. | | Last food you ate | Lowfat Frozen Yogurt Cherry Garcia. | | Last item you bought | Cold Medicine. | | Last shirt you wore | White tank top. | | Last phone call | Juan this morning. | | Last text message | I think it was from Tmobile thanking me for paying my bill. | | Last kiss | Juan. | | Last thing you touched | The keyboard of my laptop. | | Last funeral | For my great grandfather. | | Last trip to the mall | On Saturday with Katie. | | Last time you were excited for something | hahaha I'm excited about jury duty right now because I'm a dork. | | Last person you saw | Juan. | | Last thing you drank | Coke. | | Last person that broke your heart | Ritchie....damn it. | | Last time you were happy | Ouch. You're mean. | | Last plane ride | Coming back from China. | | Last dream | I was dreaming something about being in the band again... | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
|
|
 | Girls Survey
| |
| | | | Do you have a lot of make-up? | No. Makeup is expensive. | | How much do you put on? | Foundation, eyeshadow, mascara. | | How long does it take you to get ready? | About 10 minutes....if we're only talking makeup. | | Do you carry a purse? | Yes. | | What color is it? | It's black. | | Where did you get it? | My grandma gave it to me for Christmas. | | Do you have a Louis Vuttion? | I had a fake Louis Vuttion. | | Do you like to wear nail polish? | Not really...I wash dishes a lot at my job so it chips off too fast. | | How often do you get your nails done? | Never. I had them done twice: Once for my eighth grade dance, and once for my senior prom. | | Do you like manicures? | Yes, I just never get them. | | Do you like pedicures? | I've never had one. | | Do you have a usual nail salon you go to? | No. | | Where do you get your hair done? | Hair Conspiracy. | | Do you straighten your hair? | Yes...I need a new flat iron soon. | | How many pairs of shoes do you have? | Like four? | | Which pair of shoes are your favorite? | I use the black sneakers the most. | | What brand are they? | Jordans. | | Do you wear heels? | Yes. | | Where do you buy most of your clothes? | Kohl's.... | Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com
|
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|
|
| et tu con---pyuuu----taaaa??? |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|06:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  working | ] |
Computer, please stop freezing up while I'm trying to write an essay. Especially this essay for my Spanish class, because I have a harder time remembering what I've written after I have to reboot you and retype all my lost work. Ok, maybe all I had was a paragraph, but still. This is unacceptable behavior. Maybe I did make you work all night long, and maybe by work I mean waste time playing stupid games on neopets, but it's not my fault that energy drinks give me ADD. But now I've only got three hours left until I have to be in class, which really only translates over to two hours of time to crank out this essay, so I'd really appreciate it if you could just suck it up here and not lose all my precious typings. You know I work best under pressure, but I don't need you helping me out in that respect. kthxbye. |
|
|
| La vida es sueño |
[Nov. 28th, 2007|10:00 pm] |
I don't think the drugs that the doctor gave me are working. So far, I feel worse than ever. It used to be just the anxiety, but now it's anxiety and depression linked together. Woohoo. I just feel empty inside, like I'm hollowed out and there's just sadness echoing around. The doctor said that the prozac he gave me would take a while to work, and I'm guilty of not taking it regularly because I did skip a couple of days, but I've been taking the valium pretty much daily. Again, I haven't felt any real reduction in my anxiety at all. I guess it gets rid of the physical symptoms of it like my chest tightening up, but I haven't changed other than that. All they really do is make me sleep. I can't wake up in the mornings to go to my classes, which isn't that different from before, only I can sleep and sleep and never hit a limit where I just have to get up. I'm back in that surreal point where I can't distinguish dreams from reality, where I'll dream something happened and wake up and have no idea whether or not it was real. I think my problems in school are a huge contributor to all of this, though. I just wish this semester were over already so I could cut my losses and move forward. But I feel like there's a physical weight on my chest, and I just want to sleep forever.
Today I was thinking about how my sister's going to be having her graduation ceremony this spring. I really don't think I can go...it's hard. People in my family don't understand that the reason I'm not graduating is because I've had it a lot harder than she has. She went away to college, so she's never had a job and my parents put money in her account so she can buy things for herself. I stayed home and have been working full time the entire time I have been going to school. This was the first semester where I was only working part time in the entire time I have been going to college. I do not get to spend the money that I make on things for fun like clothes or whatever. I pay rent, I pay for gas, I buy my own food, I pay my credit card bill, I pay my cell phone bill (my service is currently cut off, by the way, until my next paycheck). I don't have a lot of money left over after everything is paid for. Earlier this month I was living off of a flat of instant noodles that I bought for $3. I guess the whole thing is that my parents don't support the decisions that I've made, so them not giving me any support financially apart from paying for my education is their way of showing that. I guess I'm too stubborn in these things, because it just makes me that much more determined to prove them wrong, even if it takes me forever to do it. But I just don't think I can go to her graduation. I know that sounds horrible and selfish, but I know that invariably there's going to be that whole "When are you graduating, Marisa?" I don't have any idea when I'm going to graduate. Personally, I no longer care when I graduate, as long as it happens. But it still cuts me when they compare me to my younger sister without taking into account that I've been supporting myself while going to school while she's had my parents giving her money and taking care of all her expenses so the only thing she has to worry about is studying. They don't like what I've done, I get it. Why doesn't anyone else in my family understand that? I don't want to be all bitter and mean when they ask me about it, but I'm so tired of feeling like a massive failure.
Would it be bad if I took more than one valium at a time? I have to go to that office and find out if there's a way for me to withdraw from the class. I know it's probably too late. But I need to try...I just need to get past that paralyzing fear. I wish there was someone who could go with me, but there's really no one out there.
I wonder if this is how androids feel. If they feel empty or if they just have a total absence of feeling all together. I like the tragic interpretation best. Beings in a constant state of sorrow because they can never know what it feels like to be happy.
I feel like I'm being suspended between two realities. That's all. |
|
|
| Drifting down into the abbatoir... |
[Nov. 15th, 2007|08:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
I think that I need to get some help. This whole thing is going beyond me having an inability to talk to people or make friends. Even beyond the fact that I won't use the kitchen before 10pm or shower before 2am. It's actually affecting my performance in school. I can't bring myself to concentrate on studying or homework. I'm even doing this instead of writing an essay. I really don't know how I'm going to come out of this semester. I like the idea of studying abroad because it would mean getting away, but at the same time I would probably shut down even more so than I already do. I've always thought a lot about my own mortality, but yesterday I was sitting in my car, and I realized that I didn't care if I lived or died. I don't know. I'm googling "loneliness", and I actually feel a little better because I found a group here on lj of people with social anxiety who describe the same kinds of feelings and behaviors that I experience. But I've got to make an appointment or something with kaiser to see if I can get some kind of help for this. I don't really have doctor over there, but hopefully I'll be able to find someone who can help me. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I've been like this for so long that it doesn't feel like it could be any other way. I just want to feel like a normal person should. |
|
|
| Love me beep boop beep |
[Nov. 1st, 2007|10:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Coin Operated Boy | ] |
I'm always attracted to strange characters. I was watching Trinity Blood on adult swim a few days ago, and one of the characters was an android named Tres Iqus or something close to that...at any rate, being the weirdo that I am, I found him completely sexy and it got me thinking about what android sex would be like. Shut up.
This is him:
Googling "Android Sex" really doesn't turn up much stuff for the ladies. It's mostly Real Dolls with motors in them for men. Bah! I guess they figure there's enough dildos and other sex gadgets for us wimmenz that we wouldn't be interested in a personal android. Looking at where the technology is right now, I'll admit that they have a point. I really don't want a robot body attached to a vibrator if it's not really going to do anything. But there should be some teams of robotologists slaving away in a laboratory somewhere trying to make these advances on behalf of the female kind. I want top of the line AI on my model. He should be as close to a human male as possible, yet without all those horrible asshole-traits that seem to come preprogrammed in all the fleshies. Anyway, I'm going to take a quick look at some possible pros and cons of android sex.
Pros:
-Disease free
-Will do whatever you tell him
-Can be programmed to not do whatever you tell him, if you're into that kinda thing
-Can be programmed to perform all your favorite positions
-Will never come too early
-Will have gyrating and vibrating motions
-Is ready when you are
-Has pornstar proportions
-Never kills the atmosphere by saying the wrong thing
Cons:
-Probably unaware of his own strength
-Horrible at talking dirty
-Cold hands
-Emotionally distant
-Will probably have an affair with the playstation
There's probably a lot more stuff I'm overlooking, but this is just a brief list anyway. As far as I can tell, all my cons are things that can be resolved with advances in android technology or by simply tweaking his programming. Time to change my major so I can join the super-robot squad and build the Perfect Android. |
|
|
| not much happened |
[May. 3rd, 2004|10:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cut that city -the mars volta | ] |
I went to band with david and my flashlight didn't work very well. I think I have to write more of that essay for my english class, but I really don't want to. Gotta go though, since I cut both sessions last week. It's just so incredibly freaking boring in there. We'll spend the whole time on crap like, "This is how you cite a website." "This is what a transition sentence looks like. Let's read some essays and hilight the transition sentences, then talk about what makes a good transition sentence between paragraphs.." And then I go crazy and slam my head into my desk until nothing hurts anymore. It's just a bunch of excruciating crap, of which I was under the impression that I would never have to put up with again. As if they didn't pound this through my skull in high school..."You need to learn it now, because in college they're not going to help you like this. They're just going to assign you a paper one day, then collect it at the end without checking on you." All lies. They're holding our hand more than ever. And every day they want to check on this paper to make sure we're working on it. And we do pointless excercises. I thought that we were expected to know this already, especially since there are prerequisite courses to this one if you didn't do well on that test. So they're gay and I have to cranks out 3 more pages of bullshit tonight. blahahahaha.
Thursday will be 3 years. And I will probably be working. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2004|09:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | o mio babbino caro | ] |
You know so much about the nightmare before
christmas. You must research and study it as
much as I do. I have loved this movie since I
was a kid and studied it very hard.
Congratulations.Please Please Please vote for
my quiz.
XxThe Best and Most Challenging Quiz of The Nightmare Before ChristmasxX
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Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
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in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
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and now something's wrong with my form post or something. wonderful. David's supposed to call me back about a movie sometime soon. I hope he doesn't just show up, otherwise he's gonna have to wait for me to put on some makeup and shoes. hmm. I was hoping he'd opt for bowling. I guess that's more expensive, but still. I dunno. I'm still going to have to go to an atm, because I've been using my card to pay for everything. I gotta deposit my paycheck....all those jamba juices might be adding up.
Tonight Willy's got me writing his overdue paper about his autoshop teacher for him. I guess it was due on Tuesday, only he hadn't started it and he skipped class and is turning it in late tomorrow. I don't really think his teacher will accept it, even though willy insists that he will, but I was like, "you're not in high school anymore, they're going to expect you to turn in the paper even if you don't show up to the class that day." but he's got some excuse about working, I dunno, I just hope it works since I'm putting this time into it. We sat down together for like 2 hours and he told me everything that he wanted to say and I wrote it down, so now I've got to type it all up for him, only I don't know if it sounds like what he would write. But yeah, my biggest concern at this point is if I'm wasting time on a paper that won't even get looked at. And this is gold, man, let me tell you. Gold. ok, maybe not, but it's going on three pages at this point, which is more than can be said for the rest of the people in his class, I'll bet. But Willy was like, wow, it's really easy this way, we should do this next time so I turn it in on time, but I hope he doesn't expect me to write all his papers for him now. I guess it's more like, type his papers while making some adjustments to the original text. But yeah. I'm going back to school next week too, so that should be great...gonna see how west valley goes this semester. gotta get my licence man. gotta go see the mars volta. gotta buy tickets tomorrow. or saturday. or whenever. |
|
|
| brand new |
[Jan. 28th, 2004|01:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | In My Dreams -Noemi | ] |
ok this is my new journal that I was peer-pressured into making...so...yes...it's very white. do I get to pick icons over here? I'm gonna have to check into this. Meanwhile....look at my icon. Too bad I don't have photoshop otherwise that would be a picture of us kissing. *sigh* |
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the_music_died's journal